Ned's Declassified SSG: to Fallings Out
by Euphoric Weaver
Summary: Ned and Moze haven't exactly been the friendliest lately, and it's driving Moze crazy! Why has he been avoiding her? Well, she knows  one thing, it's all his fault! And now Ned is officially going out with someone else. How can they ever mend things now?
1. Please, Let Me Hate

Two days, and she was already going crazy. Two. Days. He was really getting under her skin. But then again, she couldn't remember a time when he hadn't spoken to her in so long before. She sighed, closing eyelids over her big brown eyes. _'I thought that once that Suzie moved, We'd be in the clear, and then we could just go back to being friends, instead of my constantly trying to fight my jealousy.. and then their was Missy, which was difficult, but we resolved that.. and now..'_ She shook her head and opened her eyes, allowing the sounds of the classroom she was in to come back into focus, along with the sight. He was three rows in front of her, and one to the right, chatting up a storm with Coconut-head and Martin. She began to grind her teeth as she turned away, to sit sideways in her desk, staring blankly past the empty desks around her to the wall. Never before in her life had she had such a mixture of violent emotions as she was experiencing now; anger, sadness, confusion, lov-

Woah, woah, woah, woah. Not love. Never love. In like. In love. Ha! She almost laughed out loud. What a ridiculous notion, in love with your best friend. Bah! She heaved a heavy sigh, that was close to a groan and turned back around, which wasn't much better. She stared at his light blue back, his chestnut hair, his smile that could light up.. She turned back around, almost about to cry. So what? So she was in love with her best friend who hadn't talked to her in two days, even though he'd had AMPLE oppurtunity, so what? What was so great about Ned Bigby, anyways? With his way of always getting them in trouble, and how wholly unorganized he was, and... abandoning her like this without a reason! ...Or maybe he had a reason... That just added another emotion to the already fatal list; fear. Had she done something to ruin their relationship? Dread worked it's way into her mind as an idea occurred to her. Did he know that she... how she felt about him? Had she been that obvious. She closed her eyes again and put her head down on her desk.

"Miss Mosely, would you like to join the class in this discussion? It's not like you to sleep in class, that's more of a Ned habit, wouldn't you say?" Jennifer looked up at iTeacher, who had been wheeled over to her by one of the Teacher's Aids whose name she didn't know.

"Sorry, I wasn't sleeping though, I've just been a little.. stressed lately." She shrugged, as if to say, no big deal. iTeacher raised an eyebrow at her.

"Jennifer, I remember what happened last time when you got, 'A little stressed out,' as you so under-exaggerated." Jennifer seemed to shrink in her seat.

"I remember." She stated solemnly, embarrassed.

"You sure? Because I don't want you to stop washing your hair again, or to quit volleyball again."

"Don't worry, iTeacher, I won't." Her head dropped back onto the desk as iTeacher was wheeled away. And then he looked back. A momentary concerned look passed across his face, and he turned back to Martin to excuse himself from the conversation to see what was wrong.

"H-hey Moze. What's up?" Ned asked, sitting down in the other open desk, in front of her.

She raised her head in a pre-placed dead-pan, a half glare in place. "Nothing, _best buddy,_ now go on and play with Martin and Coconut-head, okey? Buh-bye." She said, big, fake smile in place, and turned again to face the wall, arms crossed across her chest.

Ned's face was skeptical and worried. "Are you... sure... you're okay?" He asked and winced. He could be such a coward sometimes.

Her smile turned bitter, "_Ab-so-lutely_!"

He shrugged. "Anything you say..." And he walked away. Her eyes closed and she sunk down even lower in her seat, disgust riddling her stomach. Why did she have to be so stubborn? No, this wasn't her fault. The Ned she was best friends with would have known what was wrong with her. He would have cared more about why she was pushing him away. But it wasn't her who was pushing him away. He was purposefully detaching himself from her. But why?

The bell rang and the class filed out of the room. Jennifer waited a few moments before it sank in that she was supposed to leave. She gave an exasperated sigh and picked up her stuff to leave for the bus.

But the bus didn't help things any. In her and Ned's normal seat was Ned and Cookie, and in Cookie's seat where he usually sat right behind lisa with Martin and the others, was Coconut-head. She ended up sitting next to Missy, and oh boy was that a joy.

"I'm watching you. And- why aren't you sitting with Ned's cute little butt anyways?" She demanded in a seemingly more-shreiky voice than usual.

Moze's eyes fluttered as a particularly violent sigh wracked her body. _'Like I know why I'm being put through this hell,'_ but outwardly she said, "He and Cook need a little boy time, isn't that just precious?" She smiled and wrinkled her nose.

Missy crossed her arms and looked disbelieving, but disgusted. Moze really didn't know why she still covered for him, he never exactly did anything to repay her. She wondered if he even appreciated what she was doing for him. Tch. '_I_ hate _him._' She told herself, and then repeated it. Like a mantra. If you said it enough you start believing it. Or atleast, that was the theory. Sigh.

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So, what do you think? this is my first Ned's fic, but by far not my first fic, or even my first romance fic. I hope you all stick around, and if Moze seems (or even Ned) a little out of character, (which I don't) it is for a reason, but feel free to leave any suggestions, and please review!

-Euphoric Weaver


	2. The Descent

The door slammed behind Moze as she stormed into her bedroom and threw herself onto her bed, the tears barely held in check all day cascaded onto her pillows, dampening them like a sponge. She slammed her fist onto her bed and found the lack of pain unsatisfying and frustrating. Moze got up and paced around her room, wiping away her salty pain. 'Okay, so maybe Ned hates me, and MAYBE I... maybe I love him... but that happens all the time, right? All I have to do is.. stop loving him. Simple right? Yeah, right.' She groaned in frustration and walked out onto the balcony that wrapped around her entire house. The balcony faced over the hill ledge over-looking the woods she and her current problem used to have adventures in. Moze scanned the horizon while leaning on the railing as dusk began to creep up on the waking world. She hated how early the sun set in early November usually, but now it was just... comforting.

She hung her head, allowing her mind to empty, like a sieve, just allow all thought to go through, to not focus on anything. Just let it all go. And she did; for all of ten seconds, if that. Her attempt might have worked better if the door on the only house next to her hadn't opened and a certain mop-headed boy hadn't walked onto his very own balcony, less than fifteen feet away from where Moze currently stood. It probably would have worked better if she hadn't looked up at him and saw how perfectly the setting sun colored his hair, how bright blue it made his eyes, how the shadows made his face impossibly gorgeous. And it definately would have worked better had he not stared back for an impossibly long second, looking as if he was going to say something nice, or important, or funny (he even got as far as opening his mouth), only to turn around and go back inside, managing not even a syllable; not even a 'Hi'.

No. She definately was not imagining things. Ned Bigby, her "forever" best friend, occasional "boyfriend", and recent beloved, was definitely avoiding her. She closed her eyes tightly and sank into a crouching position, head going between her knees, hands still clutching the rail, and she yelled. All of her pent-up emotions were put into that yell; she didn't hold anything back. She knew neither her, nor Ned's parents were home, and those were the only two houses nearby, having once been owned by the same family, and she didn't care if Ned heard. No, she WANTED him to hear. To let him know how badly she hated him in that instant.

Once the scream was over she expected to feel angry, violent, she expected to hate Ned, but that was impossible. What she did feel was drained, empty, incomplete. She felt like she just couldn't feel anymore. She was spent. Moze slowly stood, testing out this new feeling, and she realized she liked it.It was much more practical than sad, or angry out of her mind. She smiled smally, still not feeling much emotion, and walked back into her room, lying down upon her bed; face into the pillow. No, she didn't hate him, she had gone further than hate; she just didn't care anymore; she was numb.

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I know this is really short, but I didn't want you guys to have to wait much longer. I'll update again soon, I promise!


	3. Rock Bottom

A Few Uneventful Weeks Later+

Moze sat one seat behind her previous problem, not even looking up, not even thinking about him. She was working on a school paper, and her mind didn't even attempt to wander off. Not that she was particularly interested in said paper, it was just she didn't care, she really didn't even care about him, even a litte. But the won numbness came with a price; it wasn't only Ned she stopped caring about, it was everything. She still did her homework, but it wasn't A+ material. She still hung out with Cookie and Lisa (when Ned wasn't around, or if he was they she didn't even spare him a glance), but she didn't add to the conversations much, and she only laughed a little at their mischief. On the whole her numbness was what kept her sanity, and also what tore it away. After three weeks of feeling nothing, she was going mad.It's not just tha she didn't feel anything, it was that she couldn't. She discovered this one day, when her father came home early from a business trip in Japan and brought her home her favorite candy; Pocky. She smiled, a minute upturn of the lips, and said very politely, very evenly, "Thanks Dad," and gave him a peck on the cheek. She went back upstairs and tried to get excited; it was her favorite candy, and she hadn't had it in over a year. Her and her family were going on a camping trip the upcoming weeked, to her favorite camping ground, and yet, she couldn't get excited about it. But she didn't fret; she couldn't, fretting would be an emotion, and she was devoid of them all.

She soon forgot about her problem, if she could even consider it that, and so much sooner than she wanted, she got a new problem, and with it, the old one disappeared.

There was a new student. She was around Ned's height, not freakishly tall like Jennifer considered herself, with big blue eyes that matched Ned's to a Tee. She had shortish blonde hair, she was cute, loved video games, sports, and was a goofball; exactly like Ned. Perfect for him. Her name was Katie, and she had just moved all the way from Georgia, so she had a cute, but not too pronounced southern drawl. And boy did the guys drool all over her. But no matter how many guys persued her, she seemed to have eyes only for one; and you guessed it, Ned. And Moze hated her. She hated her with all of her being, because the way Ned looked at Katie would have melted Jennifer to her toes. Ned had gotten a new best friend, and what Moze feared above everything else, a soon-to-be girlfriend. Katie was worse than Suzie. Katie wasn't even competetive, she didn't care that Ned was sometimes an idiot, or that his jokes were sometimes corny, or that he had flaws, all the things that Jennifer used to pretend annoyed her, and all the things that had annoyed Suzie.

Katie was just... perfect. And for that Moze hated her. But the problem was, she was the only one who hated her. All of the other students thought she was so sweet, they just adored her. And that was when Moze's old problem melted away. The anger that Katie ignited in her melted away her icy interior, and she was just a ball of pent up rage, of pent up fury. Oh how she wished for the numbness back. She fought to regain her numb, for she could pretend everything was honky-dory when she was just blending in, peacefully numb, but know she avoided everyone, for fear they would figure out exactly why she was so god-damned angry. And that in itself was a problem. Jennifer, by nature, was a social butterfly, talking to anyone and everyone, and competetive as hell. She did regain a bit of numbness, but it went towards everything that wasn't Ned or Katie. with this new mixture of self-loathing, hatred, and partial numbness, she was being eaten alive by her own flames.

Before when anything was wrong with her she would tell Ned, or even after their falling out she had Lisa, but now... she was alone. For the first time in Moze's life, she was completely and utterly alone, and she hated it. At school she wanted to kill them, and with that thought came the self-loathing that had started when she realized she might've had a chance with Ned before, if only she hadn't tried so damned hard to be like Suzie (she hadn't even known she was doing it!). But at home it was the worst. She started bullying her little brother, whom she had previously gotten along with just fine (he sort of reminded her of Ned), and in between the sparse times she actually spoke to anyone, she was always holed up in her room, trying to forget, failing miserably, and crying. Everytime she thought about how Ned hated her, or how much she loved/hated him... and the fact that it had been so close, so right in front of her eyes... she never realized how much of a couple they had been, how much good they had between them, how important Ned had been to her. She used to think the worst thing in the world that could have happened would have been to move away, and even after that for Ned to die or something equally melodramatic, but she was so wrong. To go on living, with Ned right in front of her eyes, and to not be able to have fun with him... to talk to him, to acknowledge that he exists... that is the worst.

Though school it had gotten admittedly better.She had gotten to the point where she could be numb until she saw Ned, or thought about him or Katie. She had trained her mind to skirt that bottomless pit as best as she could. Things couldn't have gotten worse, until they did.

When Moze had started to feel safe again, after regaining some of her hard-earned numbness, she slowly began socializing again, and when she did, Cookie dropped a bomb-shell. "So Moze, what are you going to do this weekend?" Cookie asked a bit apprehensively, trying to step lightly around Moze's emotions. She shrugged.

"I suppose I'll be at home, again, watching my bratty little brother." She said blandly as she stared at her half-eaten cheeseburger, and untouched fries. "You?"

A wide grin spread across Cook's face like butter as he gave Lisa a meaningful look. "Me and Lisa are going on a double date with Ned and K- UFF!" Lisa had elboed him. Hard. But Moze hadn't noticed that. She dropped her fork onto her tray with a loud clatter.

"What did you... oh no." She whispered both, her numbness pulling out of her painfully, like the tide being sucked in before the Tsunami comes. "Oh no, no, no, no, no,no."

"Something wrong?" Cook asked, winded still from Lisa's attack.

"No, no, no.." Moze continued. She picked up her tray and hurried to get rid of it, before nearly sprinting into the Nurse's office. She could feel the wave looming above her head as she ran. "I think I'm going to be sick," she managed, before the Tsunami hit, and she vomited, tears raining like the salty water of the wave, coming because of her stinging throat, and shattered heart. And there she hit rock bottom.


	4. Drowning

Moze awoke in her own bed, the sun was low on the horizon, either setting or rising, Moze couldn't tell, and frankly she didn't care. Oh no, there was that phrase again, but she didn't think twice about it. She was very carefully not thinking. But she really didn't realize it. She remembered the events of earlier that day (or was it weeks ago?), but she didn't feel anything. She remembered the pain she'd felt, but it was with an analytical eye, as if she hadn't been the one it had happened to, as if it had happened to someone she didn't know in the least.

Her bedroom door opened slowly, and Jennifer's Mom stuck her head in to check on Moze. Oh, she was awake. "Hey, Jen, how ya feelin'?" She asked quietly, carefully. Jennifer realized then how careful her mom - and everyone - had been around her, but again, it was just the analytical notation of an outsider.

This question almost shocked Moze-- almost. She considered that question for a moment, rolled around in her head like a wine you were trying to identify, trying to taste the boquet. How did she feel? The answer was she didn't, but she thought that wasn't the practical answer to give to her mother. Better, that was the truth. "Better," she answered, giving only a tired smile.

A visible weight was lifted from Mary's shoulders as her body sagged with relief, as she stepped into Moze's room. "That's good. The nurse said you would be fine, must've been a stomach virus, or the 24 hour flu maybe. You did have a fever." Moze pushed the covers off of her and sat up in her bed, cross-legged and her Mom sat on the edge.

"I'm fine now, Mom." Jennifer said, her voice too bland for that statement, but also too bland to be proven false. Mary shrugged, taking the statement for Moze not wanting to talk.

She stood and walked over to the door, looking behind her as she stood in the door frame. "A little motherly advice, Jen," Moze shrugged, "Make up with Ned, or atleast give him the oppurtunity to do it."

Moze's eyes widened in what she felt as a very very tiny amount of shock - as if her mind had a fuzzy insulation around it and only the strongest emotions got through a little. "You knew?" She asked, very quietly, as if she really had felt the full force of her surprise. "All this time?"

Mary shrugged, "You can't hide hardly anything from your mother. Oh, the nurse gave me some antibiotics to give you," she stated quietly.

Moze looked up from her bed she was staring disbelievingly at. "Are you going to?"

"No." And Moze's door clicked softly shut.

Jennifer sat there with the tiny pebbles of emotion she felt, and witnessed as they were slowly drawn back in to the ocean of numb she felt, and she sighed. Her head was slightly Fuzzy, as if there were things she needed to feel, or to trhink about, but she wouldn't, couldn't. Things her mind wouldn't allow her to see. Like being in a boat in the middle of the ocean and trying to see or even guess at the things miles and miles below the deceptively peaceful surface. Moze got up and walked over to her balcony door, not realizing a tee-shirt and shorts were the only thing she was in, and not caring. When she got out there she realized she wasn't alone. Ned was sitting on his railing, with his feet on the outside, facing Moze's balcony. She glanced at him, and he wobbled on the rail, almost falling backwards. A few slightly-bigger-than-pebble-sized emotions were washed onto her sandy shores as she gulped, and the tide receded a bit, not strong enough to wash away the stones now. She looked away from him and walked to her railing.

How could someone who betrayed her so badly still look so appealing as he clumsily wobbled on his banister, the sunset casting his features with dramatic shadows. She had glanced back at him, without realizing it, and forced her eyes away again. More stones, bigger, and the tide yet again receded. Her heart was beating faster, warmth and chill capturing it in a vortex. Love and fear battling for dominance. She couldn't speak, so he did it for her.

"H-hey Moze. What's up?" He repeated one of the last things he said to her, and her heart shuddered, as if he had touched her. "How are you," Ned asked quietly, and a visible shiver went up her spine. She swallowed hard, drowning in rocks, now able to see many of the things she wasn't willing to see before.

Her voice was all a-quiver when she could finally think enough to respond, "Wh-what do you care?" She cleared her throat. Way to be smooth.

Ned winced, though she couldn't see it, or wouldn't. He wasn't allowed to be suffering; it was her heart in constant pain, not that she could feel it at all times, but still. "I have been kind of.. distracted lately, haven't I? I'm sorry."

Moze closed her eyes, a tear crept horrifically out, and she dashed it away, angry, and not willing to let him see it. She ground her teeth, but was determined to hear him through. Ned waited, he seemed to be wanting an apology back. Moze turned at him, "Well I'm not, I have nothing to be sorry for! Ned," She closed her eyes, turning back around. She had meant it to be harsh, and angry, but the effect was ruined when she'd said his name. Soft, and full of sorrow, full of love, pleading. God how she hoped he hadn't heard that.

The nearly inaudible gasp he realeased confirmed that he had heard. Damn. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hide herself.

----------------fantasy----------------

She turned, and then he was behind her. He took her in his arms, his eyes were so close, so close.. and he kissed her. She gasped into his mouth, and he opened his with her. She weakly fought back, and then she kissed him, too.

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She shook her head, clearing her throat, and tried to get the thought out of her head. She turned, and he was on her balcony. She blushed, the fantasy flooding behind her eyes. He must've jumped onto her balcony; they were only about five feet apart. "What are you doing?" She asked him, voice soft, but it had retained some its normalness.

He was getting closer. "Moze, I _am_ really sorry." She held up a hand to try and make him stop. He kept coming. She backed away. She _so _wanted him to hug her, but she didn't want him to, if he hugged her she would start crying, and he would know everything. Any physical contact and she would be swimming in rocks, drowning in emotion. She wondered if they would ever go away. The rail stopped her backing up, and she glanced behind her, then back at Ned. He was still coming. _Damn him! _It was only a ten foot drop, onto sand too, and he was so close. She started to back over the rail, and he stopped.

He looked confused, defeated, anguished. "Why are you running away from me?" He sounded so... how he looked.

"I'm not running away, I'm... I'm..." She sighed, realizing she was doing just that.

"Do you really not want to touch me that badly?" He looked so sad, so cute.

Moze leaned against the rail, pinning her hands so she wouldn't do just that; touch him. "It's not that... it's..." _'It's that I want to touch you too much,' _She allowed in her mind, then actually said, "Did you realize this is the most we've spoken in a month?" Changing the subject was safer.

Ned frowned. Changing the subject? Why was Moze trying to be safe? He frowned deeper. She really did hate him, and she really did loathe to touch him that bad. "Yeah, I know." He sounded guilty, but not as guilty as he should've sounded, Moze thought.

"Ned, why...?" She didn't know how to ask him, how to make it sound bad, but not as if he'd broken her heart. She couldn't do both, for if she showed him a bit of how she felt, she felt the rest of her would leak out, and he would see it all, in its whole, humiliating intirity. So she said nothing.

And he didn't answer her either. Ned looked away, blanking his face to hide the fear in his eyes, and then he looked back at her. "Moze, I'm going out on a limb here, but..." He trailed off. Her heart fluttered wildly. Was he going to ask...?

"Do you want to hang out tomorrow?" Her heart nearly exploded.

"Go out? What about Katie, I mean, I thought you were.. I thought you liked her." She blushed and babbled on, so excited, so afraid.

"Woah! Woah, Moze, I said HANG out, not... go out." He was blushing like a madman. "And yeah, I am going out with Katie. I was thinking we could all hang out together."

Moze blinked, turned cherry red, and looked away, hiding her watering eyes. "Oh, yeah, of course. That's what I thought." She smiled almost bitterly. "Sure we can hang out tomorrow. I'll put it on my calender." She turned and walked away at the same time, so she was facing away from Ned the whole time. "See you tomorrow." She said without looking back, and a sob racked her body. Moze bit her lip so he wouldn't hear it and slammed the door behind her, pulling down the shades in front of the glass of the door.

"Stupid, stupid! How am I going to hang out with them tomorrow and act like everything is fine! I can't believe I thought he... and I said... oh my god I am so dead. What did I say to him? Oh man.. oh man... I am such an IDIOT!" She dove onto her bed, face in pillow.

-----------fantasy----------

Her door opened, and Ned walked inside, sitting down on her bed quietly. He placed his hand on her back, and the other went up to stroke her hair. She sniffed and turned to face him, an electric jolt emenating from his hand and traveling up her body, tightenig her muscles, and relaxing her at the same time. She lay on her back, barely lifting her head to face him, the tears wiped away on the pillow. "What? Haven't you done enough already?"

"I'm sorry... Moze the reason I stopped talking to you was because... I needed space, to think. I was confused, and... I didn't know what I was feeling. For you. I... I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you..." He stopped, leaning closer to her. Moze's eyes grew wide.

"Ned..." she trailed off, her mind casting around for a reason not to let him do this, but she couldn't. Secretly she was pleased, and secretly she was so scared. He was close now, but in an awkward position. He stood slightly, knee going onto the bed to steady himself. She leaned back further onto the bed, feigning displeasure. She went to say something again, and she had no idea what she would have said, because as soon as she did he captured her lips under his. She moaned and leaned up at him. His knee moved over her, farther onto the bed and he kneeled over her, closer, hands touching her face, her neck, her waist.

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"No!" She yelled, standing quickly and running out of her room, slamming her door behind her. She needed a cold shower to get that particular fantasy out of her mind. It was going to be a long long night.

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I hope you guys liked it. This one was distinctively longer than the other. Since there had been no action, I decided to give you (and me )) some .. uh, fanservice. Enjoy. R&R!


	5. Early Morning Surprises

The birds were chirping an annoyingly cheerful little tune as my reality came into focus, as my dream faded behind my eyelids. It had had the strange warmth my dreams about Ned had. I blinked a couple of times and I sat up. Where was I? And why did my back hurt? "Ow," I yelped as I sat up more and my back cricked. I was cold, but covered in something warm and fluffy. And that was all besides my undergarments I felt. I looked around quickly and found myself on my balcony, in my robe, and shivering in the dawn rays. And then all that had happened last night came swimming painfully back into my memory, along with the realization of exactly who I had made plans with for this afternoon. I groaned, which turned into a yawn, and I stood, stretching out my sore limbs after sleeping all night in a sunbathing chair.

I shivered as a chill crept up my spine. When had I fallen asleep? It had had to have been well after midnight-- that cold shower had woken me right up, and the cool night air didn't do much to help me sleep either. But why had I gone outside? That fact eluded me thus far this morning.After the shower I went into my room... and.. what? I laid down on my bed, staring for what seemed like forever out my window into... Ned's room. Iclosed my eyes in cold realization. Emphasis on the _cold _Ah. I was too fascinated by watching Ned to actually fall asleep myselfI sighed, drawing deeply on the cool Friday Morning air. My eyes flashed open wide. Friday morning? That meant--

My thoughts were cut off by the sounds of a door opening nearby. I glanced over. The door to my bedroom was opened, and my mom was standing in the doorway looking panicked. She spotted me and sighed in relief. "Jesus, Jennifer, don't scare me like that again! Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Uh, dawn?" I asked sheepishly.

"It's nearly six thirty! The bus will be here in forty minutes!" I deadpanned. _Only_ forty minutes huh? It didn't take me that long to get ready, especially if I hurried my shower. Which I didn't need, since I had gotten one last night, granted that was more of a mental issue than a hygenic one, but I _did _wash. I said almost all of that out loud. Hey, she didn't beed to know _everything_. She huffed indignantly, and then turned a suspicious eye on me. "Why are you out here, anyway?" She asked, and my face blushed and paled at the same time. I hadn't thought that was possible. Mom gave me a half smirk as she 'figured it out'. "Ohh, that explains it."

"What?" I asked, indignant.

"Nothing," she said and smiled wider. She knew something. And it was probably something I didn't want her to know.

"What?!" I repeated.

"Nothing! Now hurry up and get ready, I'll see you down stairs." She closed my door behind her, and I sighed heavily, and stopped mid-sigh to stare mortified at my reason for sleeping out here- ALONE -in the first place. Ack! What was he doing out here? I made a furious noise in my throat that sounded something like "Aauughh!" He shifted positions in his arm chair, which made his head fall onto his shoulder and he awoke with a start.

"What, who's there, where am I?" He said out loud almost everything I had thought when I first awoke. Ned sat up, and, "Ow! Ow, ow, ahh! It's cold! Why is it so cold?" There, that covered it all. And he looked over at me. The bottom of my stomach dropped out, as my amused smile slid away, along with my sense of time. The morning light on him did exactly the same thing to my senses that the evening light had. Oh wait, the sun was out of view behind our houses; we were sitting in shadows. Damn. It was just him, then. Oh, well. Taking advantage of the frozen time, I stared at him, drinking him all in. From sleep-mussed hair to baggy T-shirt and boxers, the curve of his chin to the icy blue of his eyes; and he was perfect.

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He was suddenly in front of me, with me in his arms. His Tee had disappeared somewhere in translation. "Ned-" his mouth silenced me as he pushed me up against the railing, my hands sliding over his muscular chest, shoulders, neck, and findinig their way methodically to his hair. It was so soft, and his body so warm.

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I blinked, and time had caught up with itself. My fantasy shattered into a million quivering pieces as I flushed deeply and looked away. "What are you doing out here?" He asked me. I deadpanned again.

When I answered my voice was perfectly normal. Point for me. "Uhm, FYI, I was out here first. What are _you _doing out here?" I retorted, not seeing the flaw behind my own reasoning.

"I asked you first, and besides, it doesn't matter who was out here first."

I squinted at him. I was trying for a glare, but eh, what can you do this early after lusting over the same person you were trying to glare at? "Can't a girl enjoy the comforts of her own balcony anymore?" Again, I missed the flaw.

"Ditto!" He said, and then added, "Uhh, except for a guy, not a girl." By now I had had enough of this chasing-my-own-tail thing. Getting all flustered this early in the morning brought me to the end of my patience quicker.

"Whatever!" I started to walk inside, "Oh, and by the way, it's almost time for school." I closed the door. I wish I hadn't though, because I'm sure he would've had a priceless look on his face. I sighed.

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This seemed like a good place for a chapter end. Enjoy. Oh, and if the switch to first person surprised or confused anyone, sorry. I just thought it would work better this way.


	6. One step Forward

It wasn't until I was on the bus that I realized I was missing something. My feeling of... nothing. I wasn't numb. "Oh, man, I can't wait till tonight, me and Lisa and... them are going to have so much fun!" Yeah, that was the reason I noticed it. As soon as he'd started babbling on about his _date _I braced myself for... something, anger or whatever. I expected it to come roaring to life like it had when I was numb, but it didn't. It was just a soft trickle of heat in my chest, accompanied by a sinking in my gut. It wasn't bad. Definitely not what it had been when I was "numb". That was weird. Looking back on it now, I realize it wasn't that I wasn't experiencing emotion, it was that... it just wasn't getting to my heart or something. It was there, but, not. I don't know how to explain it.

Now that I could actually think again, with my emotions and all, I realized that what I thought was practical before, was definitely not. It stopped me from doing what I loved, stopped my positive emotions and just... amplified the negative. I shivered. It wasn't good at all. I still wished I could just... not feel the bad, but I wasn't as childish as to believe it could happen anymore. Cookie continued to babble in my left ear, him by the window and me near the isle. In the seat next to me was... Ned and Katie. I sighed. Better get used to it, it seemed I was going to be around them a lot more lately.

To my surprise though, they didn't really act like a couple. In fact- they seemed to be acting a lot like how Ned and I used to act around each other- except they would kiss every now and then-- oh wait, that was like us too. I think that was one of the reasons I was having such a hard time getting over it; from my point of view, it was like she was replacing me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, swallowing hard. No. I need to stop thinking like that if I'm ever going to come to terms with this. And besides, if I become friends with Ned again, it will really be Suzie she's replacing, right? Right? Sigh.

The schoolbus turned into the school parking lot and we all stood. The people began to listlessly file out, front to back, and when it came to my or Ned's turn he waited for me to go. I smiled. He smiled. And like that we were back to normal. At my locker he came over and talked to me. Really. Talked to me. I was stunned, and happy, deliriously happy. I never realized how much it cost me to go without him until then. It was like a chunk of my life - a very large chunk - had been missing. It was like Ned was the culmination of all the positives in my life, and without him I was... what? A moody, violent, angry teenaged girl who sucked at school and at sports. Let me explain. A couple of months ago Suzie Crabgrass- Ned's then-girlfriend and my then-best-girl-friend and competetor -had moved away. And after she did my grades began to plummet. At first I had thought Suzie moving away was my problem, but I realized it was Ned all along. It was because I was so distracted and angry at Ned for moping around about Suzie that it was. Every time I saw him so depressed over some girl - who wasn't me - it made me angry, and my anger led to distracting questions, and thus, my grades plummeted. It was Ned who allowed me to be... me. The best me possible. And I think that's another reason why I... love him.

Whoo, I'm going to have to stop thinking that too. I mean, he has Katie now, right? The Gods really must be against us having a relationship. Really, really, against it. And, seeing as I can't live without Ned, I'm just going to have to... suck it up and be fine with being his friend... because that's all I am. His friend. I wonder if I still have the claim over 'best friend' anymore. Probably not. Sigh. And that's another thing I need to stop doing; sighing. Jesus, what am I? Some love-struck teenaged...girl. Shut up. I still need to stop. I mean, what is Ned to think if I'm contantly sighing around him? Nothing good, that's for sure.

The bell rang, and there went my entire first period. I hadn't heard a word of my Math teacher's lecture. Not good. I'd have to work on not trailing off in thought the rest of the day. That wouldn't be too hard. Tch. Yeah, riiiight.

Sure enough. The universe hates me. Seriously. It hates me. With its stupid rules and its amusement at human misery. I should have known it wouldn't be easy. Because the universe says that the harder you try NOT to think about something, the more you do. And thus was the case. I son't think I heard a WORD any of my teachers were saying. Sigh. I just want to get what's coming up over with. Pretty please?

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A/N: yeah, I know, that chapter was a whole lot of nothing. Just a filler. More action will be coming up, so stick around (duct tape is recommended for prefferred adheisive. Lol)


	7. Two Steps Back

The park loomed closer into view with every step I took. Taunting me, trying to make me turn around and forget about Ned and his _beloved._ I have to admit, it was tempting. My heart was pounding furiously in my throat by the time I started walking down the steps into the park, my stomach was doing backflips. I had to smile a tiny bit to myself as I realized something wholly ironic; this park was the first place I met Ned, outside of school.

He had always been the boy I had always wanted to be friends with in preschool, he was so funny! But I never got up the courage to talk to him in school-- I mean, he was a gross boy to my girl friends. I didn't want to be thought gross. Then one day I was playing at the park- on the tip top of the jungle gym - and he came up and started climbing up. I'd glared at him and told him this was _my _jungle gym. He told me this was _everyone's _jungle gym, and he was going to climb on it no matter what. I pretended to ignore him, and he just went about his way, climbing, hanging upside down, and then he started to talk. Just talk. It was nothing, him telling me stuff about his stupid younger sister, and asking if I was that girl in his class at school, the mean one, and I said yeah, and just like that we were talking. For the next few days at school we still pretended to not know each other, but every day after school Ned and I would meet and have adventures, either at the park or in my backyard.

And then he told me he was moving. I got so sad, but he assured me he would still go to our school. And then he moved in Next door. I couldn't be happier. We were still ignoring each other in school, but that soon changed, when one day Ned was assigned to sit next to me and instead of ignoring him we wouldn't stop talking. Our secret was out, and like all different-sex friendships, we were made fun of and accused to be boyfriend and girlfriend (to which we would exclaim "EW!"). Eventually we began to ignore it, or find loop holes, like, "Yeah, Ned is my best boy-friend." Or "No, he's my Guyfriend," as I liked to call him. Eventually that switched to "Bestfriend" as I grew apart from my female friends, and after that we added... forever... but I guess nothing is forever. I should have known. After sometime we gained a third to our duo. Simon Nelson-Cook. Or Cookie, as he liked to call himself. Not long after... we met Suzie. And that changed us forever. No, not forever, nothing lasts forever. I was going to try to reverse her effects over us. Try to put the Jealousy she lit inside me out, and just be... his friend again.

Though, there was something even _more _ironic still. This was also the last place I had spoken to him before our little falling out. We were on the swings, swinging sideways instead of foreward, and trying to hit each other with the swings. It was completely normal, just like any other time, or atleast to me it was. in fact, it was one of the most normal times we had had since, well, he had started going out with Suzie, nearly six months ago. And the day after he was completely ignoring me.

I sighed, stopped myself, and took a deep breath. And here I was again, about to start over with Ned, about to sacrifice my happiness for his, about to bury the hatchet and go back to being his _friend. _Not his _best friend, _just his _friend._ Because he had a new bestfriend, and she was sitting next to him at our table, no, no, not anymore. It's their table now. Ned looked up then, and saw me. He waved, a huge goofy grin plastered across his face, and Katie turned around to see who he was waving at. She turned back around as I started over, and he looked at her, his face going serious. They were talking quickly, in hushed tones. I stopped just out of earshot. If they wanted their privacy they could have it. I didn't want to be here anyway- No. I _do _wantto be here. Because I _have _to be here. For my sanity.

Ned looked up at me, and grinned again, totally fake. "Moooze, hi," he said, dragging out my name as if I had walked in on them at an awkward time or something. Not my fault, he had invited me after all. He paused, and I waved a tiny bit. "Meet Katie," he motioned at the petite blonde sitting with her back to me. She turned, totally fake smile in place, and waved. I repeated my previous gesture. She hurriedly turned back around. The area near my right eye twitched. I was angry. She was mad at me for coming here to try to get back with Ned-- as _friends. _We were never anything more. Not really. There was an awkward silence. "_So," _he said, trying to break the silence with humor.

"_So," _I said back, starting to get bitter. I hadn't yet moved from my spot about ten feet away from our-- _their --_table. I think Ned just realized this, because he jumped and scooted over, motiong to a seat on the opposite end of the bench. "Here, you should sit down." He said, smiling and trying to make a joke out of it, as usual. Surprisingly, I didn't refuse; how diplomatic of me. I really wanted to stay at my safe distance from the emotional disaster I would surely get myself tangled in. I sat as far as physically possible away from Ned and still remain sitting on the same side of the bench, and across diagonally from Katie. My hands laid on my lap, clenched into tight little fists. The tension at our-- _the --_table was so thick it was choking.

I glanced at Katie, and her eyes automatically met mine. She smiled awkwardly, opened her mouth like she was going to say something, closed it, and glanced back at the table. I followed her line of gaze. And blushed furiously. "Ah- that's not- ahem. That was--" I was babbling, and I knew it. I cleared my throat. "That was written a _long_ time ago, and we didn't know what it meant back then." Ned had never looked at it. He just walked away, and stood, back to us. Katie's eyes followed him, and she looked despaired and angry-- at me. "Honestly-- we were in second grade and had seen it on a tree. Ned's older brother told him it meant the people liked each other a lot and wanted to be together forever. Please, believe me, we didn't know it meant--"

"It's fine, I believe you," She said, so quietly. She cleared her throat and glanced up at me, to Ned, back to the stupid little carving, and then repeated, ending with eyes on Ned. "I have to meet Lisa and Missy for an outing we had planned. I'll see you later Ned," she said warmly, but so fake, "Jennifer," she added me after a short pause, letting me know she hadn't forgotten me, but she wasn't happy with me either, the warmth in her voice increasing, letting me know she was trying harder to maintain it. She stood and started to walk away from the table. Ned _finally _turned around, and he looked confused and paniced.

"Wait-- Katie! Katie, wait! Come on..." He followed her away from the table. "Don't do this! Damn it, Katie!" He glanced back at me and held up a finger at me, telling me to stay, to wait one more minute, that he wasn't done with me quite yet. He followed her quite far before he finally grabbed her arm and started talking with her with very exagerated hand gestures. At this point they were so far away I couldn't hear a word of what was being said. Katie pointed in this general direction, and glanced at me, her gaze filling with such hatred. I blanched, and visibly straightened, indignant.

Ned was shaking his head vigorously in a blatant "NO", and she was nodding in a bobble-head fashion. I actually heard her say, "Yes, she does!" That tantalizing bit was enough to get me angry and interested, and that just made me angrier and less interested-- by force of will. I forced myself to not care, and to do that I had to look away. But I, like the idiot I am, looked in the wrong damn place. There, sitting in front of me, was the heart-wrenching evidence of all that Ned and I had been, could have been. As I stared at the part of the wood that had had the dark green paint chipped away in that stupid symbol that had meant nothing, and everything, I felt the tickling of tears in my nose, and around my eyes. That sharp pricking that meant you were going to cry if you didn't stop whatever was happening soon. Damn it. I was stronger than all this!

I looked away hurriedly, and found I wasn't the only one having that problem. Katie had tears streaming down her cheeks as she screamed at Ned, but in a controlled voice so it wouldn't carry this far. My tears dried up as I watched her fall apart. How could Ned like someone who could fall apart that easily? I didn't dare follow that train of thought-- that was dangerous territory, full of land-mines and pitfalls. I took a deep, rattling breath and turned around on the bench, back leaning agaist the wood of the table. I heard the word "How" and then the screaming which had been a kind of quiet noise that was there but inaudible died down competely. I glanced back and she was still talking, but obviously in a much quieter voice. Her face was now very red and streaked with black eyeliner. I could see the blue of her veins around her face. She kept motioning over here and half-glancing over.

I snorted and turned back around. Damn it was getting harder and harder to just wait for Ned. All I wanted in that instant was to leave. To go home and to not have to face Ned after his first fight with his new _girlfriend_. I heard her scream and then get muffled, and Ned say, loudly, "NO!" I glanced back again, only to turn around in disgust. He was clutching her to his chest tightly, whispering in her ear fiercely, but with _that _look on his face. Like she was being stupid, but he loved her. Like she shouldn't even believe what she was saying, it was so mental. DAMN IT.

I clenched my eyes tightly, and ground my teeth, bending my head as two fat tears dripped onto my jeans. My fists tightened so hard, if I had had any nails they would have cut my palm. Luckily I bite them. I let out a pathetic half-sob, half-laugh, and my voice was thick with my tears.

----------------

_"Promise me we'll be best friends forever." She pleaded, smiling._

_He looked at her, smiling. "I promise."_

_"No, you have to mean it!" She she implored, laughing slightly._

_"I do mean it!" He insisted._

_She frowned, "Nuh-uh! If you meant it you would prove it." She crossed her arms, mock dramatically._

_He frowned. "How?"_

_"I don't know! How about you do that thing your brother told us about?" She said, waving her arms._

_"You mean on the tree?" _

_"Yeah! Remember, he said it means you want to stay with that peson forever?" She was looking at him enthusiastically._

_"Yeah..."_

_"Then what's the problem? That's what best friends forever means! That you'll always be with me. Forever." She had gotten a serious look on her young face._

_"Okay." He said, smiling crookedly._

_She beamed at him, eyes almost closed with a smile so big. "How do I do it?" He asked, standing by a tree._

_"No, not on the tree! You'll hurt it! How about on this table?"_

_"Sure, I'm not tall enough to reach high enough on the tree anyways," he grinned._

_She smiled at his joke, "Just chip away the paint with your house key."_

_"Oh, right." A few moments passed and then he stood back to admire his handy work. "How do you like it?"_

_"Oh, it's perfect! Thanks, Ned!" She beamed, staring at his work of art._

_"Now we'll always be together, I promise." She beamed at him. He grabbed her hand and they walked away from the green picnic table with a freshly-carved heart with the initials "N.B. + J.M." in it._

--------------------

"Damn it!" My fist connected with the table, inflicting satisfying pain. Plop. Plop. I sniffed and wiped away the evidence of my weaknesses, disgusted. "How did it come to this?" I asked myself quietly, using my thumb to wipe away any traces of my conservative amount of eyeliner from under my eyes. "Why?" My voice was shaking; my hands were shaking. I was quiet as I sniffled and continued to try and wipe away my pain. I heard footsteps and I inconspicuously wiped away whatever was left of my tears and coughed very lightly, trying to clear my voice. I swallowed again and again, adding to the effort.

A male cleared his throat behind me and I straightened up, turning around and facing him. Ned was standing in almost the exact same place where I had been earlier today, looking probably as awkward as I had. "So," I said.

"_So," _he repeated. I blinked. We had switched spots in this situation, and I don't think either one of us missed the significanse. I smiled smally; that was about all I could muster. I motioned at the other side of the bench, and said, "Sit down." He did. As he grew closer I could feel myself growing warmer, and then forcibly colder, forcing my heart to maintain a steady rhythm. My hands were underneath the table again, this time lying open on my lap. He sighed, eyes resting on the carved heart. "Look," he started. Already I was nervous. I swallowed and tried to keep calm. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I looked at him, really looked at him, tried to decipher a hidden meaning anywhere in what he had said, tried to see if he was leading me into a trap. I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for her to get upset."

"No, neither did I. But this isn't your fault. Katie's just... insecure. I should have known better than to invite you here with us."

My throat constricted terribly, and the prickling came back. He looked up and I looked down at the table, avoiding his gaze. I think he looked back down. When he spoke next I didn't miss the slight thickness, or the sound of his smile many hours of practice talking on the phone with him taught her to recognize. "I was so stupid. I knew she was jealous, but like the idiot I am I thought I could fix it. I thought I could prove to her..."

I blinked, refusing to realize what he was saying, and looked up at him, just to catch him with an oh-so-serious look on his face. "Wait, jealous? Why?" He blushed a tiny bit and looked down at the table. Now I was really curious.

"She thinks..." He mumbled something and ducked his head.

"Pardon?" I asked. He glanced up for a brief moment, a strange look on his face.

"Please tell me you heard it." I widened eyes at him and shook my head.

"No, I really didn't."

"You're joking," he looked incredulous. "Don't make me say it again."

I just kept staring at him with wide inquisitive eyes. He sighed, blushing and looking down at the table yet again. "She thinks... she thinks I like you..."

I would have done a double-take if I hadn't been staring at him the whole time. My eyes widened more and I sat back a bit, straightening. I blinked a few times, eyes on the table, blushing like freaking mad, and trying to keep a straight, nonchalant face. I cleared my throat lightly, still staring at the table, and said, "Hm... well, that is a bit of a..." I licked my suddenly very dry lips, "...sticky situation there." I nodded my head and glanced at him, which caught his eye. I looked away as quickly as he did, my face feeling as if I had stayed in a hot-tub too long. I kept getting waves of heat through my body. "But you don't, right?" I asked, oh, so cautious.

"Right, right, no. Don't feel a thing! I mean, who _likes _their best friend? It's craziness!" He sounded flustered, and I guess that was normal. I could feel myself heat more and wilt slightly, heart missing a beat, and then painfully stuttering back to life. He looked nervously, suspiciously back at me. "Right?" He asked.

I leaned back. "Right, right! Yeah, and I mean, we were just _kids _when we did this. It's not like we _knew _what it meant." Another scorching wave of heat rolled through my body. If this didn't end fast I was going to be a permanant tomato.

"Exactly! I mean, it wasn't like when I scratched that into the table that I meant I wanted to _be _with you forever!" He blanched, "Not that that wouldn't be nice, but I mean, we're just friends! And we were just kids!"

The next wave that passed over me wasn't an embarrassed heat, it was angry, indignant. "Right, I mean, when I asked you that it's not like I meant I wanted to be with you _forever_, anyways. I mean, we were kids, and kids don't realize how long forever can be! No one wants to be with someone _forever_, right?" That last 'right' was a bit more viscious than I had meant it to be, but it was too late to be taken back, even though I desperately wanted to. But he had hurt me, when he had said that, and no matter how untrue what I'd said was, the truth was that I had wanted to hurt him back, and it was better to make him want to leave me, than to let him want me as a friend for eternity, anyways, right? I mean, come on? An eternity with Ned Bigby? Who wants that? Sigh, I'd raise my hand for that.

Another wave of heat ran through me as I watched his mouth open, and close, as he got a confused look on his face. He clenched his hand that had been incospicuously resting in the carved heart into a fist, as his confliction seemed to fall away, anger or bitterness taking its spot. "Right," he said tersely, his mouth a tight, thin line, half of a smile.

An eternity long silence stretched between us in that moment, as I watched his smile fade, and I had forever to decide if I was going to take it back or not. Obviously forever wasn't long enough. His smile returned, angry, hurt, but trying to hide it. My heart broke as he stood up, watching me all the way. I swallowed, my eyes closing. "Yeah, no one wants to be with someone forever. That's just the stuff of children's stories." He spat. And with that he tore out my heart, the fingers of what he said digging their way into my chest through a river of blood, and ripping the still-beating organ out into the open, the veins reluctantly tearing away, one by one, taking it as a trophy. He didn't know it, but my blood would forever stain his hands from then on, visible only to me.

His footsteps died away, but not before the green table with the carved heart was lousy with the tears of my pain, the tears of my sorrow, and my guilt. Because damned if I wasn't guilty. I was, and for so many things. For taking things too personally, for taking revenge, and for taking my faults out on the people I _loved._ Because I still did, love him, that is. And no matter how much I hated him for tearing my heart out, I hated myself more, for giving him the chance.

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OO That has to be the longest, most angsty chapter so far. And that was _so _not how I imagined this chapter would end, but I have a way of fuxxing things up for my characters. Things should get brighter from here, but that is a should and not a will, so don't think anything is definite. So you know, I don't wuite know where I'm going from here, so I'll be anxiously waiting as well.

I have a request though. I would like for everyone who has read this chapter to please review. Even if you just say, "hi it's me, I read your story." that would be perfectly fine. I just want to know who I should thank and read their stuff, lol. Because I really do look at everyone's stuff who reviews. Even if you don't have an account, please submit an anonymous even, just telling me what ya think. I still would like detailed reviews, but otherwise is still good. Thanks ever so much for reading, and I know I never mentioned it before ((because I forgot sweatdrop)) but I don't own Ned's declassifed. If everyone does review I'll be sure to give another long chapter like this again. Please and thank you!


	8. Numb: a poem

I decided that one of the poems I had written earlier really describes this fanfic, so I decided to post it here. I hope you like it. This is just a little snack to hold you over till I finish the actual chapter. I want to see if you can figure out the format for this, and what each symbol means.

* * *

**(((numb )))**

--please--

Tell me

**you hate me**

because I definitely

_(love you)_

Turn away

**Ignore me**

No really

**I want you to**

Don't look

**Don't touch me**

Don't tell me

**about your **_(girl)_**friends**

Because I really don't care

**what you did ****on Saturday**_ (night)_

--You don't know this, but--

you gave me a gift

_(a ribbon of)_ **insanity**

I wear it

**always** _(secretly)_

close to

**the surface** _(of my heart)_

Your eyes singe

**the flesh** _(of my eyes)_

burning

_(into)_ **me** _(and my mind)_

Your voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard

**so annoying** _(to others, not me)_

Your silence is molten gold

_(and scorches my tongue)_

Your joy is my pain

_(because it doesn't include me)_

I can't believe I wasted all those years

_(not knowing I was in love)_ **With you**

Now that I look back on it

**It makes me sad** _(how much time we lost)_

I never want to spend

**another** _(half-wasted) _**day with you again**

If we ever spend another day together

**it will be all too **_(truthful and not)_ **soon** _(enough)_

You sicken me

_(My stomach and heart keep rolling over)_

--just--

Go away

**leave me** _(& my heart)_**alone**

Go back

**to your so-called friends **_(who don't include me)_

So I can remain

**happy**_(ly numb)_

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Review and I will be a happy woman. 

Euphoric Weaver


	9. Alpha Omega

My god, I do so love weekends. Without this one I seriously doubt I would have been able to even _face _Ned or Katie at school on Monday. Today. Is today Monday? It seems like so long ago that I walked into the school doorway, keeping my head down and dreading seeing either of the two. And still it's only fifth period. But GOD FORBID I should have an easy day, one without guilt and jealousy and oh-so-many other emotions battling for dominance. Or one without my (questionable) best friend trying to rekindle the friendship that was dying a rather painful and pitiful death. For something so long lived it started to die rather suddenly.

I stared at the blank math work-page and zoned in rather harshly as a hand swung dangerously close to my face. "Moze!" I heard someone yell, and by the tone they had been talking for a while with no response from me. I blinked a couple of times and sat up, head lifting off of my upturned palm. I looked at the person quizically, in a neutral, semi-interested kind of way.

"What?" I said rather viciously. My mood was _so _not going to put up with this. Especially not from Ned.

He sighed and said, "Finally! Jeez, what were you doing? Sleeping? I thought you'd gone deaf!" I glared at him, telling him with my eyes, 'Get to the freaking point'. His smile fell as he flinched a little at my look. "Well, as I was _saying_," he paused for emphasis, but not long for fear my look would manifest into something physical and painful for his face, "I failed my second quarter Lit exam."

I snorted. "That's a first," was my sarcastic reply. "Let me guess, you want me to help you on your extra credit assignment-- which is due... Friday. Right?"

Ned nodded, and then shook his head. "Except she wants it by Thursday."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "And how long have you known about this little project?"

He actually had the decency to blush, while he murmered, "She told me last Monday."

I closed my eyes and drooped my head. I didn't bother lifting it while I asked my next question. "What do you have to do for said assignment?" My question came out slightly muffled and I looked up to see if he had gotten the message.

He blushed further, eyes scampering away from my viscinity. "Book report." He said tersely.

"Figures. Have you read the book?" He shaded his eyes with his bangs. "Have you _chosen _a book?" No reply. "Damn, Ned, you're totally hopeless!" I said that a bit loudly which garnered a stern look from my Study Hall teacher. I gave him a sheepish grin and mouthed 'sorry'.

"I know! I'm sorry! But you know me, I hate doing anything right away! I have to be an idiot and drag everything out until you-- and me too --are about ready to burst with sex-exasperation!" I choked on a gasp and managed to splutter out the word "WHAT?" earning me another look from my teacher, or maybe that look was meant for Ned, because he was rambling rather loudly trying to apologize and tell me that he _meant _to say exasperation. I seriously doubt that was what he was going to say. I seriously doubt we were still on the same topic, but I feared if I said anything right then I would be a babbling idiot as well.

"Ned," I said quietly. He continued to babble, now saying something about, 'I don't even know why I said that word, I definitely wasn't thinking about-', "Ned." I repeated more forcefully, trying to cut him off. He stopped and looked at me, a little frightened I think. "It's OK. Now, when do you want me to help you?" I asked slowly. _'Why in the HELL did we agree to this?!'_ My mind screamed at me. I watched his face as his eyes widened a bit more, and then he smiled crookedly. It made my heart stutter. _'Ohhh, that's why. Yeah, I don't blame you.' _I resisted the urge to smile and roll my eyes, and then allowed myself to do them as I realized it was exactly the thing I would do normally.

He looked down at his paper, and then back at me, a slightly incredulous look on his handsome face. "Well, tonight and tomorrow are when I'm going to actually read the book... so...Tuesday and Wednesday after school?"

I raised my right eyebrow and pushed down the left. "Shouldn't we go today and pick out a good book?"

His jaw dropped, and then he grinned sheepishly. "Riiight. Yeah." He flushed and looked rapidly away and then back at me, looking _too_ normal. "So... every day after school from now till Wednesday?" I hid my frown and then the smile, looking away and nodded.

"Yeah. Right. Just remember today to _read! _So this may actually be possible."

He grinned crrokedly. "I can't make any promises," I gave him a mock stern look, "but... OK." I gave a side smile to match his. The bell rang and instantly, as if she had been waiting outside the door Katie rushed in and attacked Ned before he even looked away from me.

"Jeez-- what the--" I swallowed everything I was about to say-- very difficult, I don't recommend it --and gathered my things, trying to avoid looking at the two octopuses. I left the class, stifling half a million thoughts and emotions and walking methodically to my locker. Two more classes. Two more classes until I could go home. Just two more. Two.

Shit.

And a library trip with the person I wanted to get away from most-- and be closest to --at this moment. Shit! Why didn't I lay out any rules for these tutoring sessions? I should've forbidden Katie to come along! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! A few more choice swears and I'd be about ready to join the two in the library. You may want to close your ears. And eyes. And... this web page. I think I'll do it for you.

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So this was the mildly short chapter nine-- and I am so happy! By the time you read this I will probably have most of the rest of the story written seeing as my internet hates me right now. Last night I mapped out the rest of this story and-- get this --the sequel. There's a good five or more chapters left of this one still, and let me tell you, starting with the next one they will be really really good. I can't wait to WRITE them, I can only guess how bad you guys hate me right now for these tantalizing teasers. If I get... 10 reviews (That's a lot!) For this chapter I will tell you the name of the sequel... and perhaps even the summary! OK, summary if I get 15! A/N: My new favorite word is sexasperation. - 

_(NOTE: I had a preview here, but since the chapter is already up, it's gone now.) _


	10. From Bottom to the Top, Mix Well, Repeat

**Soo sorry this took so long, but believe me this chapter is worth it. A slight warning... if you aren't comfortable reading more... mature themes, you just might want to skip this chapter. But I don't recommend skipping it. This is all I'm going to say, so have a nice read! **

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When the normal school day was over I had a deep sense of forboding accompanied by a permanent fluttering lodged in my stomach. I was irritated, anxious, nauseas, and just all around not feeling so hot. Not feeling good. I was feeling plenty hot as I entered the Library, scanning the rows of books for the person causing me this deep upset. The air was stifling, suffocating, as if I were in an oven. Sweat perspired on my forehead, cheeks, and upper lip, hair turning into a frizzy mess. I must've whispered something outloud, else I was looking worse than I thought, because next thing I knew the Librarian was explaining to me that the heater was broken and wouldn't turn off, and that I should remove all unneccesary clothing particles. I gladly lost my hoodie over my head and remembered I was wearing a tank-top in one fell swoop. The cool was so refreshing though I left my self-consciousness to fizzle and die. It was nearly December, and hadn't gotten too cool yet, but recently it had gotten down just enough to need a hoodie and some heat. My house hadn't even turned on the heat yet, actually, and this was my first day wearing a hoodie all year, wouldn't you know it. Saturday was Thanksgiving and we had a three day weekend. Probably why Ms. Durrins wanted the paper by Thursday, so she could grade it before the weekend. 

I was about halfway through our very large library when I heard the door open, and my name being shouted. "Moze! Wait-- sorry Mrs. Flervie-- Moze!" I stopped and turned, waiting as he ran through the library and caught up to me. As he approached he didn't stop as far away as I thought he would. In fact, I took a step back just so we wouldn't be trying to occupy the same space. He touched my arms, leaning over and breathing heavily. He was so close... I looked him straight in the face, trying to discern what was the matter, or perhaps it was to catch a glimpse of his breathtaking eyes... The expression on his face was all the indicator I needed to tell he was going to make an excuse to get out of this. For some reason I was relieved and exceedingly angry at the same time. I held my tongue, though, and allowed him to speak his piece.

"Moze," he panted, "I am _so _sorry. Really!" I held up my hand to stop him and took a step back, breaking free of his grasp on my arm. Suddenly I was much more sad and much less relieved for this development. The warmth seemed to escape my body as I turned my back on him and crossed my arms across my stomach. "Won't you forgive me? I'll never do it again!"

I sighed, wishing I hadn't agreed to this stupid idea. Wishing everything would just... go away. I guess I could make everything go away, huh? "Sure. Just don't ask for my help on anything else if you're just going to back out of it all the time!" By the time I got to the end of that statement, I wished I had phrased my words in a shorter sentence. My voice was quavering slightly, and it was getting thick. I was _not _going to cry over something stupid like this. Something stupid like ending my exceedingly long friendship with the guy I was in... in_ that _with. To my horror, he laughed; a soft breathy laugh that continued into the word, 'what'.

"Hhuhh-huhhwhat?" Like that. "What are you talking about? I'm not backing out of anything. I was apoligizing for being late, not breaking the date, Jennifer," Even though I knew what kind of date he meant, my heart still jolted at the word, and if that hadn't been enough I let out a quiet sigh as he said my name, even though I knew he meant it as a reprimand. It sounded so... amazing, coming out of the lips I so wanted to caress right then. "Jeez, have some faith in me, will ya?" He chuckled more and I let out a trembling laugh, trying to pull myself together. I felt my face with my hands. I was burning up behind a scorching blush, my body had regained all of it's former warmth as well. Again the air was stiflingly hot.

I didn't turn around- what kind of idiot do you think I am?- so Ned decided to walk around me to see my expression I was so desperately trying to hide from him. No doubt I looked as if I was sick or something-- I didn't feel too far from it, actually. Hot, light headed, faint, trembling... maybe I was lucky and I wasn't in love, maybe I had the flu. As Ned came into view and stared at my face I got suddenly very dizzy, and a wave of heat scorched through my body. Nope, definitely not the flu. Damn. I collapsed sideways into a chair, crossing my arms across my chest so it looked like I sat down in a huff. The truth was my knees were so weak I thought they were going to give any second, the weight of his gaze was heavier than anything that could be made up of matter.

I think I startled him when I sat down so suddenly, because he flinched and reached out to me with both hands as if trying to catch me. "Aah- Moze!" He said as it happened, taking stuttering steps towards me and nearly collapsing on me when he ran into my seat-- and me. My arms automatically flung out and caught him, pushing against his chest. I flinched at the contact, and my arms weakened so that my hands slid across his chest to hold him back by his arms. Ned was in the most amazing polo shirt I had ever seen, but right then it needed to go bye-bye so I could touch his bare chest, and not just his bare arms. I looked up from his shirt to his eyes. And let go. His hands (which were so _not _lightly holding my upper-arms, a mere tickle that sent wave after wave of electricity through me) fell away, and his mouth (which had so _not _been opened very slightly, oh so slightly, as if asking to be touched) let out but a whisper of the regret I was _so _not feeling.

A long silence followed, where we were both replaying that scene in our heads to different effects; you could feel it in the air. My current fantasies (which involved the chair toppling over) were so vivid, so enticing, that I had to squeeze my eyes shut and bite my bottom lip so hard that when I stopped, my lip was welling blood. The taste more than the pain brought me back to reality and I continued to lick at the stinging wound. I didn't dare look at Ned... okay, maybe just a peek. As soon as I looked at him, though, I knew I shouldn't have. His eyes held such an intensity in them, and the normally vivid blue of them was replaced by a much darker color, one that I had only seen on other guys who I knew for a fact had only one thing on their minds. I never expected to see such a look on Ned's face, and certainly not one directed at... _me. _Caught up in his eyes that were all the more enticing for their hidden thoughts, I stopped licking my injured lip, and I could feel my breath hitch in my oh-so-tight chest. It heaved as my breathing strained, and my lips parted in the effort.

The air gushing past stung my lip, and I subconsciously licked it again. Ned stiffened, his gaze not on my eyes anymore. He wasn't breathing. I stopped, myself. I licked my lips again. His eyes looked really close... so close... and they were getting bigger... his hot breath leaked into my mouth as the rest of my breath left my body...

"_Ned..._" The spoken word startled us both, my heart stopped and he backed up so quickly he fell to the floor. My breathing came back in a harsh and noisy gasp which caught in my throat and burned all the way to my lungs as my heart finally started again with a terribly painful thud on the inside of my chest. In a frighteningly rapid cadence my heart shouted at me its opinion at my abusing it so unkindly. When I caught my breath I finally realized it was me who said his name. I risked a glance at him and he was staring at me with such... _feeling _that I had to look away. Disappointment, longing, confusion, riddling his features, shattering my pretenses that he didn't want me just as badly as I wanted him... '_But that doesn't make any sense!' _I shook my head and looked at Ned again.

His eyes bore a hole through my own, singing, leaving an impression so ingrained that they haunted my dreams and riddled my reality. Unashamedly staring at me as his chest rose and fell, as his elbows kept him inches from the floor, as his eyes started to return to their normal blue, I had never been more self-conscious in my life. Right then I wanted nothing more than to ravish him, to feel his body so soft and warm under mine, to feel my lips crushed with the weight of passion, even the hard, rough texture of cheap school carpet would feel heavenly against my bared back... wait, _school_? I blinked and suddenly we were back in school, and we weren't the only ones in the world anymore. We weren't even the only ones in the library. Shock ran through me like a shrieking alarm, and I said quite loudly, "Book report!"

My hand rose to cover my lips automatically as Ned's eyebrows drew together, and he asked, "What?"

"You need a book to do your book report!" The right half of my brain reeled as it tried to keep up with the left and my mouth. Why the fuck did I care about a stupid book report?

"Huh...? Oh!" I could tell the moment his brain caught up to mine. His eyes widened and they flicked quickly around the room, never quite making it back to me. "Right..." I stood and looked down at him for a brief moment as I considered helping him up, before hurrying to the back section of the library marked _Fiction_. There was no way I was touching him right now. The many varied and austere looking books stared at me, there titles a jumble of words and names that wouldn't quite reach my brain, and as Ned appeared around the aisle to stand considerably far away from me, with eyes fixed on my face, all rational thought flew out of my mind. Panicking, I reached for the nearest and brightest colored book and thrust it at Ned.

"This is a good one! You should read this!" My voice was squeaky and laced with panic. Another book caught my attention and I hurriedly grabbed it and thrust it at him again. "Or this one, yeah, this should impress Durrins!" Now I was going faster, books with bright covers, books with no covers, all flew into Ned's arms as I suggested book after book and he got closer and closer. His eyes had a dazed look on them, and he had a veritable mountain by the time I reached the corner I had just trapped myself in. My eyes were wide with fear, and my voice was indistinguishable as I babbled about how any of those books could be good. I was staring at the back of the last book I had handed him, still talking, when they fell. They fell because he dropped them.

We both shot to the floor to pick them up, both babbling about how sorry we were, and started to stacked the books in another pile. I had just grabbed a book when his hand covered mine on the same book. Ned smiled awkwardly and my face, already feeling stiflingly hot again, heated a few more degrees as my smile matched his own. How had I never noticed how amazingly blue his eyes were before? Oh, that's right, I had. The book we had before been so keen on getting fell forgotten to the floor as his eyes slipped down to my lips, fluttering almost closed, his breath fanning hot and moist across my face. Before I could stop myself I had opened my mouth, taking a drag on his intoxicating breath. I breathed him in so deeply I pulled his face closer to mine, or perhaps he had done that. But he wouldn't do that-- he hates me-- no we're friends-- but still, we're only friends! I can't do this! It will ruin our friendship-- _'Oh, just stop thinking, would you!'. _What a wonderful idea...

Our hands slid together, fingers entwining, warmth enveloping them, and I felt my eyes flutter shut as another of his breaths slipped into my mouth, as I sighed and heard him moan in response. I could feel the heat radiating from the proximity of his face. My eyes opened a crack to see his closed and heading straight for me. My lips tugged into a lazy but smug smile as a vision of Katie slithered into my mind, and without further hesitation I pounced.

As our lips met, mouths opening, faces changing sides and hands unable to get enough of each other, there weren't just sparks, there was fire. This was so much more than any of my fantasies had ever inspired, so much more heat, so much more... _reality. _This was kissing like I had never experienced. His hand was near the top of my arm, squeezing and releasing, like a cat, his other on my neck, fingers playing behind my ear and over my cheek. My hands were impatient. They cradled his face, then appeared on his chest, trying to give him a reverse-massage, then slid to his sides, traveling to his arms and around. For so long I had wanted to touch him. It was a hunger of flesh to flesh. I _knew _if I had gone one day longer my hands would have shriveled up, starved of the warmth and the satisfaction of another's skin-- no, not just another, but of _Ned's _skin.

My swolen lips ached, ached and starved and needed more, even though they were being gorged. At the next opening I thrust my tongue to his lips, crossing their threshold to his sharp teeth, and finding the thing I wanted meet me with earnest. I moaned in my throat, and heard it echoed by Ned. My hands tightened at his shoulders, squeezing into fists and sliding to what I had saved for last; his oh-so magnificent hair. They sought it out, dissolving into the silken tresses as they savored the feel and were suddenly sated, but my mouth was far from it. My hands aided my mouth by pulling him closer, his hands were now behind me, wrapped tightly, yet gently, around my waist as he struggled for more bodily contact. I was more than happy to oblige him by shifting from my knees to my butt, sitting sideways across his lap when he followed my lead. He held me like a baby, one arm behind me, supporting me, and the other resting securely on my thigh.

Our tongues slid against the other, entwining in the most erotic, and yet the most pure of dances as my heart cried. And then as I cried. Our mouths parted slowly, with increasingly sweet and chaste kisses. Finally he managed huskily, in a voice that made my insides quiver, "Why are you crying?" His voice was so soft, a more caring voice not in existence.

"Because... I realized this must be a dream." His eyebrows tilted upward sadly.

"This isn't a dream... it can't be."

I squeezed my eyes shut and more tears rolled down my cheeks. "Don't say that. At least if it's a dream... it won't hurt as much when you aren't here tomorrow." My voice quavered and my nose started to run. My heart had never felt so much pain before. To be in the arms of everything I wanted, and yet to not be able to have it.

He squeezed me, comforting, reassuring, not painful in the least, physically. "What makes you think I won't be here tomorrow?"

I peeked at his face blurrily through my teary eyes, and laughed sadly, my tears thick in my voice. "Don't kid yourself, Ned. You have the perfect girlfriend." I would have said more if my voice hadn't been strained so badly.

With his next two words my insides tightened into a ball of misery, pain. "You're right," his words were soft, but damned if they weren't the worst words I had ever heard. "I _do _have the perfect girlfriend, that is, if she'll have me."

I gave another pathetic sob-laugh, and my voice was high-pitched and as near wailing you could get while talking this quietly, "Of _course _she'll have you, you're already going out with her. And even if she wasn't who in their right mind _wouldn't_ have you?" I was sure my make-up had died a while ago, and that my face looked dreadful to him. I was so pathetic. How could I have been so stupid as to do this? No I wouldn't regret it. I refuse to regret the best moment of my life.

"So is that a yes?" My heart missed a beat and again my breathing stopped.

"_What?" _I whispered at him. I turned my head still cradled by his arms to look at him.

He laughed lightly. "Does that mean you'll be my girlfriend, then?"

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**Rawr! So, the amazing chapter is finally done. This was by far the hardest and most fun to write. I. Frickin'. Love. This. Chapter. Don't hate me for leaving on such a cliff hanger. The story is beginning to come to an end, but there is still some stuff left to do. Since I was nice and gave you this long, amazing chapter I expect many many reviews! See ya!**

**Euphoric Weaver**


	11. Good Bye, For Now

This story is going on a short hiatus (ha, like it hasn't been there already). I am really sorry, but I don't like how it's heading right now, and so to get it where I want it I am starting a new story, but don't fret! It's the same story, from a different POV (FYI; Ned's.). This is necessary. I can't tell you how many times I have started the next chapter in my mind (and even finished it once) only to hate it so much it makes me want to cry. I am sorry, but now I have a new idea for the rest of the story, I just have to back track again.

Please, please forgive me. This is the only way to fix things without going back and ripping out a few past chapters and completely rewriting them. So goodbye for now on this one, I hope to see you in a bit in my new story, "Ned's Declassified SSG: to Really Big Crushes".

TTFN

Euphoric Weaver


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